It’s probably obvious, but it really hits home in that moment when you are talking with other writers about sex scenes and you realize that folks have very different ideas on what constitutes “good sex.” It’s not about who does what to whom, but how does the reader know that the characters are enjoying themselves.

Asking writers to describe what the female orgasm looks like on the page, and same for the men. There are a lot of different folks out there so we will get a lot of variety in our responses. Could you show someone or use words to describe it accurately?

What is a sensual experience? What exactly makes it sensual? (The senses of course, but what else, what makes it special?) Describing sound, taste, smell, plus of course the visuals and touch can take a lot of time to make it feel accurate.

What is a sexual experience? (Let’s stick to the positive ones for the time being.) I’m also focusing on a partnered experience here, but one does not need a partner for an excellent and arousing scene.

When writing sex scenes stamina, lubrication and vocalization all differ in a wide spectrum. And this isn’t even the wild stuff, just the basics. Though we can also discuss and disagree on what constitutes “the basics.”

That all leads to us asking ourselves, what is a ‘pretty standard sex scene’ to me?

I recently saw a study where an organization was doing a survey to find alternatives for the word ‘horny’ for women. I am all about different and more descriptive words than horny, but it got me thinking, how do I describe it to myself? How would I describe it to others?

One guy I was talking to was discussing the reality of male stamina, how many times and for how long? What reality looks like for one, well, may just be that. Reality for one. Also, he put forth the idea that young men (Legal age of course) were clueless and needed to be ‘taught’. I put forth the idea that everyone starts off clueless, and whether you gain knowledge though research – theoretical or practical, or experience -say trial and error, that as long as you pay attention, listen and care, then you are doing well.

We had very different ideas on what a well intentioned young man was capable of in a scene, much less what one could create. My writer friend doesn’t see the scenes I create as realistic because the guy knows what he is doing and is paying attention to his partner’s reactions. Makes you wonder about all the writers out there and the aspiring writers too. These stories need to be told. Some of them are real and some are fantasy, but there are many variations that should be shared.

Any particular turns of phrase turn YOU on?

Aspiring for fun you could say.

So as I have mentioned previously, I set myself up one of those 101 things in 1001 days where you put in goals of all sorts. All sorts of things, some wild, bucket list items and some more a stretch bigger than a ‘To do List’.

I just realized that my current list just came due, so it is time to evaluate.

Completed: 55 I wrote a lot (though I didn’t publish), paid off some debts, had some fun experiences (Went ziplining!) did some travel before Covid, and took some time and actually did some self care.

Can’t complete (Covid) = 9 (most involving travel or visiting a specific place/institution/location, I did have some travel plans that were cancelled last year. I know, me and the rest of the world.)

What’s left – yes, I am apparently a slacker. =37 (sigh)  Yeah, exercise and weight loss were in there too.

Some of what I didn’t do…. might keep these for later.

#32 Brew own beer (1 batch!) – I am bummed I didn’t do this one!

#57. Try Fencing  (learn to Fence)   I FOUND a place, but haven’t made the call yet. Maybe I can blame this one on

Covid, though the place I did find is now open. (See, I am a slacker!)

#88 Get a good headshot taken (got one taken, I am not pleased with it, will try again) I am not a fan of headshots.

I look at where I was when I made this list, July 15, 2018, and that seems like a world away. So much has happened, so much has changed, there are important people who were around in 2018 and now who are not.

This new list will be a different one and I won’t beat myself up for not completing a greater percentage.

Now making my new list, because of course! I think I need to change some things as I plan my new list. I like to push myself, but there are things on these lists that I have not ever accomplished…. Trying to make this list a bit more aspirational….. perhaps with just a smidge of things that are boring but good for me.

New priorities, values and goals I guess- need to get ready for this next round!

What are your goals/dares for yourself?